Sunday, September 28, 2014

The usual reaction that I get from patients when I say that a broken bone and a fracture mean the same thing...

 When a teenage girl asked if I was going to make her scar look good...

Saturday, September 20, 2014

I dont have a scenario for this. This is just here for your viewing pleasure.

Friday, September 19, 2014

(Random memory from 2nd year)

Husband: So what do you think?
Attending: Well, I believe your wife is suffering from pain originating in the coccyx.
Husband: So what's the next step, more imaging?
Attending: Not exactly. We're going to step out for a second, my resident will be back to manipulate her coccyx and see if that is the pain generator.
Me: ....

I sometimes wish I was making this crap up.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

My attending told me that I had dainty hands. I laughed then, but later...

I was pinning a DRUJ, and I got an xray of my first wire, which completed missed the ulna. It was at that point in time that my attending decided to walk in the room...

Page from the ED at 1257 AM:
"Hey, we've got a guy that had some knee pain, no fracture or anything, probably not septic, but is there any way you can just, you know, drive in and give this guy a steroid injection?"

Monday, September 8, 2014


Bones. I like bones. I like big bones. I like small bones. I like medium bones. I like long bones. I like short bones. I like old bones. I like young bones. I like misshapen bones. I really like broken bones. I like bones sticking out of skin. I like bones about to stick out of the skin. I like all sorts of bones. I like them. I like bones.

Sometimes bones are broken. I like to fix bones. Sometimes I break bones to fix bones. Sometimes I put screws in bones. Sometimes I put plates on bones. Sometimes I put wire around bones. Bones. I like to take broken bones and make them straight. Unless it is not a straight bone. Then I do not like to make it a straight bone. 

The lungs confuses me. The heart confuses me. Kidneys confuse me. The pancreas confuses me. Bones do not confuse me. Unless it is the skull. That confuses me. Teeth confuse me. They are bones. I do not like them as much. Ancef is good. I like when anesthesia gives it. Sometimes gentamycin is good too. Not as good as bones. I like bones. 

If you consult me about a deep cut, I will ask if there are broken bones. If you consult me about a crush injury, I will ask if there are broken bones. If you consult me about an infection, I will ask if there are broken bones. If you did not get xrays, I will get them to look at the bones. 

I like muscles too. Sometimes I cut muscles to get to bones. I do not like nerves. They are not bones. They get in the way of bones. 

After I finished my medical school, I was deeply intrigued by the pathophysiology of complex disease processes and the underlying pharmacokinetic advances of our current treatment strategies, but now,

IM resident: "Hey, we've got a consult for you. It's a guy with shoulder pain. All imaging is negative, but you know, we're just not sure what to make of it."

Sunday, September 7, 2014

An attending handed me an opened snack bag in clinic and said: "Hey, would you like some hot jerky?"