Tuesday, December 27, 2016

When you're in your surgical space suit and the nurse swaps out the battery thats been dead for a couple minutes...

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Ask an orthopedic fellow (its pretty autobiographical)

Dear orthopedic adult reconstruction fellow:

I had a twisting injury to my knee a couple weeks back. The doctor diagnosed me with an ACL tear, but said I may still get arthritis even if they reconstruct it, is that true?
-Unstable in Utah

Dear unstable in Utah,

'hell…hello? Yeah, I guess I’m on emergency call while the residents take their yearly OITE… what time is it? 0240? Nice.

What do you got? A hand lac? Okay, what do the tendons look like? What you mean you haven’t off the dressing?! Is there arterial injury? Oh right.

What bout X-ra…nevermind, not even gonna ask. I mean, it sounds like a simple lac, you can sew it up right? What do you mean you can't. You went to med school right?

Uh huh.

Right. But you see, that’s a different can of worms, I KNOW how to treat hypertension, I just don’t want to.


Fine. See you in a bit.

Dear orthopedic adult reconstruction fellow:

I have this knee pain that’s pretty bad, they say I need a knee replacement, but I’m hesitant, what’s our thoughts on stem cell therapy for the knee?
-Platelet rich plasma fan in Portland

Dear platelet rich plasma fan in Portland

Hi, I was hoping to apply for a new car loan.

Uh huh. Yeah, just something for my family to fit in, nothing fancy. Yeah, my income is... well it’s not a lot. I’ll making a lot next year though, does that count?

No? I see.

No, my wife stays home with the kids. Debt burden? well, that’s an interesting story… you don’t to hear the story? Okay, it’s about… (cough) hundred thousand.


Uh huh.

Assets? Oh I got some ASS-ets… no… no I don't, it was actually a bad joke. Does a white two door 2006 Hyundai accent that was donated to me with a 12 inch sub in the back count for anything? I see.

I see.

I see.

I qualify for that little huh? No, don’t worry about it, I’ll talk to my nursing friend about giving me a loan instead.

Dear orthopedic adult reconstruction fellow:

I sprained my ankle a couple weeks back, and its just taking a long time to heal, should I do some physical therapy, or keep taking it easy.

-Sprained in Cincinatti

Dear Sprained in cincinatti:

Yeah, the one on the left knows more than me about reading EKGs....

No honey, I’m not a real…  but it’s just that…  fine. (walking)

Hi, you asked if there was a doctor onboard? Yeah, what’s up.  Okay.  Uh uh.  Uh huh.  Sure, but you should know…  okay.


You’re his wife? Okay.
Uh huh.  
Uh huh. 

When was the last time he had something to eat or drink? Well, in case we have to go to the… yeah I guess that’s not important. 


Well he can do that so everything checks ou...--diabetes! Ma'am, does he have diabetes? No? Huh. ummmm…. That's kinda all i got....

Oh hi. You’re an emergency room tech? perfect. 
(nodding) Right. Right…. Yeah that’s totally and exactly what I was thinking too. Great diagnosis.

Excuse me, flight attendant? Yeah, do whatever this man says. He’s the most qualified medical person here. 


Friday, December 2, 2016

When we uncovered the patient's 'man-bits' and there's a healthy cheese over said 'man-bits'...