Sunday, November 30, 2014

My reaction when discussing knee prosthesis designs with my attending, and he dropped "when you really think about it, there's kinematic conflict between PCL retaining prosthesis and the higher conforming polys..."

Saturday, November 15, 2014

“Time out for safety!” declares man about to cover himself in bodily fluids while playing with sharp things.

Lake Oswego, OR – Local area orthopedic surgeon Martin Smith declared loudly for the entire room to hear “TIME OUT FOR SAFETY” just prior to dousing himself in another person’s infectious bodily fluids while handling, using, and occasionally playing with, numerous sharp objects.

A visiting OSHA employee Christine Platt gave the following: “The weird thing is, the entire time during this so called ‘time out’, they never even discussed the elephant in the room that they were all about to be covered in blood while handling skin cutting objects. They just wanted to make sure they were stabbing the right person.”

A survey of the room revealed the back table had numerous instruments that, at any time, could pierce any one of the participating employees skin and transmit life ending diseases such as HIV, hepatitis C or ebola. Maybe not ebola. There were cutting things, skin piercing things, poking things, burning things, more pokey things, things that weren't meant for poking but could definitely poke through skin of anyone who handled it wrong, and literally tubs of disease spreading contaminated water.

Christine Platt went on to say: “It’s just crazy that the whole thing isn’t discussed in the DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE 6 SHARP WIRES STICKING OUT OF THE PATIENT?! SOMEONE IS GOING TO LOSE AN EYE!”

“So you’re telling me those guys expose themselves to multiple peoples bodily fluids every day with only a thin barrier of latex? And those thin latex barriers can have holes up to 3% of the time?! Taking that kind of risk is insane,” local prostitute Bambi Anderson explained. “At least their pay is good, they get like what, $300 per customer right?”

At time of press, the reimbursement rate for an excision of a polydactyly is $26.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

So in this scenario, the OITE is Yaya Toure, the soccer ball is the brachial plexus questions, and the little girl is me not having memorized the brachial plexus...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

We got sent a memo by our chief that the medicine service WANTED to be the primary service on ALL ortho admits...

I would definitely be the dude on the right in this scenario.
Me to the medical students after sign out: "So we've got a little bit of time before we have to go up to the OR, anyone want to talk about a specific subject?"
Med student: "Can we talk about the ober and duckwalk tests?"
Me: ...

Thursday, November 6, 2014

I was draping a patient when one of the circulating nurses who was putting drapes on inadvertently dragged her hand across my jibblies...

I'm applying to fellowships, and waiting to hear back for interview offers...

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Attending rule of 2's:
When 2 attendings scrub in to a case with you:

1. Resident work gets halved.
2. Number of suggestions on how to do the remaining work you do gets doubled.
3. Amount of resident mockery increases by 2^2.