Chiefing to an attending: "So the fingers kind of dusky, the 2nd year wasn't able to get a waveform on the pulse-ox, couldn't get a doppler, and it didn't bleed when he poked it with an 18 gauge needle."

Junior resident (aside): "Actually, it was a 27 gauge needle..."

After returning from the restroom in scrubs, a nurse said "you may want to take a little longer on the jiggle afterwards..."

I occasionally do workers comp exams.  My usually state of mind by the end of the day...

What usually happens when an attending calls me at home....

When I ask a junior a question during indications they didn't see coming and handn't prepared for...